coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
