she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
