My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
