I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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