i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
