My Higher Power is John Stamos
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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