the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
