I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
