He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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