OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
