There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize