Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think your dad took our porno
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
