i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
