Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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