When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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