Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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