I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
