I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
