I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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