he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
