Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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