It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
