Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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