I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
