Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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