i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
