Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
