I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
