in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
