one word: firstdatebathroomanal
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
