Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
