im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
