About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
