you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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