i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
