i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
