Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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