Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
