my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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