We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
