last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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