I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
