I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
