I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
even my farts smell like vagina
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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