i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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