She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
