I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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