if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
