Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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