His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
