my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
