i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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