i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
