PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
