He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
