70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
