And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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