He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
