Will you blow on my dice?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
