Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
false alarm, still single
This toilet bowl is my home.
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