You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
