So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
