we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My cat gives me a boner
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
