Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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