I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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