apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
