Buhtt sex?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
