every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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