I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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