capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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