he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
