It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i love accidental penises.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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