either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
