Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
