woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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