So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
