there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
