I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
