mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
