Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
