i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
