for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think your dad took our porno
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize