its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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